Is this love?

I remember when I was little, when I was in kindergarten, when I was in primary school, the teacher always say love is the greatest thing among all, love is wonderful, love is... priceless.

When I was in high school, it was when all of us were in the adolescence period, the period when teachers had to crack the head to prevent teenagers fall in love, the period when teachers had to encourage students to study, the period when love became not as great as what you were told back then.

When I'm in Uni, it is when most of the people started to have their own judgment, their own opinion, love... was then mostly defined as complicated.

What is love? I don't know. But I always think that love is the thing that can bring happiness. If love brings sadness, will it still be called love? People may say, of course it is. Love is just spices, it brings out all the taste in the food - sweet, bitter, salty, sour.

It might appear to be a little bit too greedy to just expect happiness out of love. But think of it, if we don't complicate love, if we don't complicate life, shouldn't love be the only source of happiness and never be any source of sadness?

My logic tells me:
If we're happy, it must be love.
If we're not, it must not be love, it should be greed, jealousy, expectations, disappointments...
If it's not, why still hang on it?

Why did I suddenly write about all those craps? It's because I think sometimes we need to learn to let go. Let go the thing that makes us sad, makes us angry, make us miserable because it isn't love.

The 1st and the only desperate housewife series that I watched was about a woman, cheated by the husband, brought the gun to the supermarket with the intention to shoot her husband (her husband worked as the manager of the supermarket). Ended up, the husband hided himself in office, she took the people in the store as hostages and killed one of the hostages.

Despite of the depressing topic, the drama was still brought up in a very funny way. It certainly has entertained me a lot. It ended with the woman was shot by one of the hostage.
One of the ladies in that drama said if she would have gone crazy like her if her husband betrayed her simply because she loves him so much.

Most of the time, when we're hurt, we cannot think calmly and logically. If love has faded away, why do we still hang on it, why do we still hurt others, hurt ourself, why do we stubbornly not let go, why cant we love ourself more than our emotions...

Few days ago, one of my EX-housemates told me this:
台湾乐坛又殒落了一颗新星。星光三班歌手黎础宁，疑似因为感情问题想不开，烧炭寻短，这个消息让大家都非常震惊，黎础宁曾经和职棒外籍球员交往，四年的异国恋情相当辛苦，最后过不了情关，楚宁的爸爸，强忍悲伤，帮女儿处理后事。
credit: http://ent.xunlei.com/music/contents/3b/285944.shtml

Love... becomes so differently defined as the one I was told many years ago.

I choose to have faith on my kindergarten teacher. I believe that's not love anymore.
Love brings happiness, not death. If it doesn't, change the way, the environment, the people til your love finds you happiness.

I used to think the longer you've known someone, the deeper your relationship with him/her, the bigger your expectation to him/her. I used to be so proud of saying stuff like this "Hey, we've known each other for more than 10 years!". But, I've changed my mind. What's important to me now isn't how long have I known him/her, but whether we get along or not. And that's what important now.

I learned to let go and stop complicating life and friendship. If my love doesn't bring me happiness, my friends doesn't bring me happiness, why bother. There's still so much happiness out there waiting for me to explore.

Few days ago, I was still a little bit wandering around the memoirs of my high school friends.
I cannot cease to marvel whether they are the people I've spent my high school life with for 3 years, whether they are the people I've known for 10 years.

I added one of my high school friend into my msn. She deleted my msn. I thought, heys, it's okay. I seldom login. Then I added her back. Few days ago I checked, she deleted me again.

Few years ago, I msn one of my high school friends, he asked me "Eh, who are u?"

We don't seem to have the tendency to add each other on facebook no matter how facebook promotes our contact on the people you might know. Yah, I cannot be bothered to add you guys too.

We don't seem to have the tendency to play on the same table on poker even if we know we both are playing.

I yearned over the memories, the friendship. A year ago, I still sillily dreaming of another Tioman trip with my high school friends. My high school teachers always said "Treasure your high school friends as after you go to university, the friendship is totally different."

- I wonder.

The longer you know someone, does it matter?
The deeper your love, does it matter?
The longer your relationship with somebody, does it matter?

To me, I learned to let go. When love fades away, it doesn't seem to matter that much anymore. What I've looked into is just whether we get along with each other, whether we are happy.
And it definitely has made me become stronger.